The parentless child:
Someone must care:
The death of an only parent or both parents will certainly complicate the grieving process for the child. It is essential, therefore, that someone be found to provide support, encouragement and a listening ear. Usually this will be a close relative who has been given the responsibility of caring for the child. In the absence of a relative, someone else will eventually have to help this child 'work through' the effects of this tremendous loss.
Adjustment:
Reality, Reorganisation, and Re-establishment:
Signs of healing: The grieving process is coming to a
tentative end when there is:
- The painful acceptance of the reality of death;
- The re-organising of life around the new circumstances; and
- The re-establishment of normal relationships and activities.
These milestones show much progress in coping with the loss. Your child is moving on with life in a healthy way.
Special occasions bring back
grief:
At birthdays, holidays and anniversaries of the death, grief is
re-visited. This a normal and predictable part of the process
for every family member and should be viewed as a healthy opportunity
to express thoughts and feelings. You might be able to do something
special to honour the memory of the one who has died.
Getting through the 'firsts':
First birthdays, first holidays, etc are always the hardest. Simply getting through all the firsts as best you can will be a major milestone for you and your child.
A child will always have memories of Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandad etc. From time to time your child will need to share those memories as well as other thoughts and feelings.
Support:
Making the Base Firm and Broad
Taking care of yourself:
You are the most important person in the child's life. Your child needs you close by and in the best possible health. So take care of yourself by eating and exercising well. Working through grief is exhausting.
Encourage others to have contact
with your child:
Family, friends, your pastor, priest, rabbi and others can also help your child.
Share your faith:
If your faith is a source of support, share your beliefs with your child, if your faith is tentative, consider exposing your child to sources where they might find answers for themselves. This may be of great help now and in the future.
Contact a support group:
Some groups are made up of children who have suffered a similar loss. Others might be good for you and your child to attend together. Check with your church, synagogue, hospital, or local mental health agency to find such a group near you. Alternatively contact your local funeral director. |